Today I had the sudden, wonderful realization that I felt neutral. Without forcing myself or holding myself away from negative thoughts. There was none of the depressed feeling in my stomach and I didn't feel giddy. Giddiness was what I thought was happiness in my depression. No, nothing. Neutral.
It doesn't feel bad, like something's missing. It feels very good, like some dirt has been scrubbed off.
I can't help wondering, is this how normal people feel? Because like Hazel of TFiOS, who doesn't remember breathing unassisted, I can't remember not being depressed. And it's only been a year and a half. Amazing what memories disappear in that time.
What is the noun form of neutral? I was thinking about that as I planned out this blog post in my head on the way home from school. Is it neutralness? Neutrality? Neutralation? What is the name for this unnaturally amazing unfamiliar feeling?
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