Vastrawesome

I don't celebrate Christmas. I celebrate Doctor Who Day. And I watched the special, and this is my favorite line EVER:

"Good evening, I'm a lizard woman from the dawn of time. And this is my wife."
- Madam Vastra

And then the maid screams uncontrollably.

Seeing

I think it must have been February of last year or something.

We were in Haifa, on Mount Carmel. My grandparents took my parents and my cousins and me to see the sunset.

We passed behind backyards through a narrow path. Behind one abandoned building that had once been beautiful but had been taken by weeds and moss, tarnishing the characteristic Israeli white-painted walls. Through streets, to an empty lot. You could see the valley, and where the gravel ended there was a steep grassy drop.

All the while my younger cousins chattered about anything and everything. The sunset was beautiful over the city and the sea.

My middle cousin, aged seven, peered up at the sky. "I see God," he said. "Shira, I see God."

And though I fancy myself as one who doesn't, can't, or won't believe, he said it so innocently. So sweetly. I know him to be a trickster, but who am I to say what he did or didn't see?

Who knows, maybe there was something more in that sunset. I'm not one to tell.

Photos, etc.

I was looking through old photos to see what I might put on my iPod for nostalgia, etcetera. The thing about that is - it gives me nostalgia, etcetera.

So I look at these photos. And obviously iPhoto organizes them in chronological order, so looking at the "last 12 months" section is quite literally like seeing the past year scroll before me.

I'm not really that sad about it, for a change. Well, I am. But I'm also not.

I look at them and the way things were, how wonderfully carefree and simply unlike real life they were. In a way I'm glad my friends were here and I was there, because that gave me a reason to document my life, and thus to now look back.

It feels strange, but it's helpful. I think I should do this more often - look at that year. Yeah, it was hard and horrible sometimes, but at least I can look and remember and probably sugarcoat it to a certain extent. And yeah, I miss it. But how could I not?

One of the things I learned last year was to use what you have. I could have moped for the entire six months. I could have disregarded everything good around me. But I didn't, and it got better, because as it turns out, life is pretty nice when you use it. I think sometimes I need a reminder.

Blub blub

Me: Bleh.
Mom: That's how you say "blue" in French.
Me: No, that's bleu.
Brother: Not very different.
Mom: Then "bleh" is "white."
Me: No, that's blanc.
Brother: Still not very different.
Mom: That's what you'll have to learn next year if you take French.
Brother: Okay!
Me: Bleu blanc bleh.
Brother: What's "bleh?"
Me: Not a word.

Too Much

I have lately come to a realization.

But first, as always - backstory.

Yesterday I got an iPod touch. 64 gigabytes, which now I have no idea what to do with.

I want to go to this summer program. Which costs $7000 or so.

So now is the time when I realize that I cost too much. I feel as though all I do costs something. Every activity in which I engage takes money. And it adds up to too much.

Confused, etc.

This is an angsty post. You have been warned.

I'm still thinking a lot about Israel. Especially today.

I have this thing where music makes me feel different things, not necessarily because of the way it is, but more because of when I first heard it or when I was listening to it a lot.

So there are some songs that are Israel Songs. Songs that I would listen to and would make me feel all of the feels.

And some of those songs are ones that I haven't heard in a very long while.

So I had Spotify on and was listening to one of them and BAM. The feels. I felt like I had in Israel, and suddenly I realize that I just don't feel like that anymore, and I remembered.

How much I missed my friends. How confusing it was to have two homes. How different my outlook was, how I felt about different people back then. How I felt about myself.

And I'm still thinking about it, and I'm still sad.

And also - I missed my friends here so much. How is it that after nearly six months here, I don't miss Israel so much? Was it all really that fleeting? Were my friendships too hastily built to last?

And now I miss them. And I miss the apartment. And school.

Something about my geography teacher in Israel came up during lunch. And I realized - I had never really told my friends here that much about my actual life in Israel. I talked about feelings, about homework, about general things - a bit about a few classes. But there wasn't much.

And now I remember everything.

How did I survive for so long without my friends? How am I surviving now, without my friends in Israel?

How?

Today

So I got out of school at 11, got home at 11:20, and then my friend and I headed off to the Prudential Center in search of a suit for her.

We got off at Copley, and I had misremembered the map so we headed off in the wrong direction and then turned around and went back.

Then we went through Copley Place and took the walkways to the Prudential. We went through a few stores, not really finding much in the price range we wanted. Then we ate Indian food and got chocolate and went to Loft and somehow ended up trying on a lot of clothes. One was one of those dresses that only looks good with a belt, which we didn't have, so it looked like a sack.

Her: I am a potato. Don't look at me, I'm a potato. In a sack. With cats on it.

Then we rushed through Barnes and Noble (this was the B&N of In Your Pants Nerdfighter Meetup infamy) and then rushed through Lord and Taylor, and then we passed through Teavana and got some delicious tea. We ended up boarding the T at 4:15 or so.

And then I noticed that someone from the Nerdfighter meetup was there.

Me: DFTBA?
Her: Yep.

And so we rode some more, and at Fenway my friend noticed that my girlfriend was just getting on the T. So we talked and laughed and stuff and then she got off at her stop. Oh, beautiful coincidences.

So, as days go, today was pretty awesome.

Nerdfighters, Nerdfighters everywhere

On Sunday, I went to a Nerdfighter gathering at the Prudential Center in Boston.

I arrived shortly after 2 with my ukulele, etc. and some Nerdfighters had already taken over one corner of the food court. They had already hijacked a lot of tables and made them into an L-shape. I helped more people (because more and more were arriving) make a little island in the middle of the L. We talked about fandoms and ages and things we'd done, tried to play Munchkin Space, tried to play Bang, and then I migrated to another corner. Then my girlfriend and her friends arrived and then we played a game with a beach ball covered with questions that somebody had ingeniously created. Then we took a group photo and thoroughly freaked out the rest of the food court by shouting, "DFTBA!"

Then we migrated to Barnes & Noble and played the "In Your Pants" game. If you're not familiar with it, it's the theory that if you add "In Your Pants" to any book title, it instantly becomes hilarious. Some of the best selections include:

That's the Way I Blow

Justin Bieber

Katy Perry

The Dust Bowl

Fire

World War II

The Casual Vacancy

You've Gotta Have Balls

and more, which I can't remember just now. We looked around for a while before finding "Must-Read Books by John Green."

Worship at the altar, worship at the altar.

And Harry Potter.

Worship at the altar, worship at the altar.

Then we went and looked at books and the rack of hand puppets which included a Hedwig-style snowy owl and a puffy hedgehog and a dog and a squirrel.

After the Barnes and Noble people were well and thoroughly freaked-out (and a lot of Nerdfighters had started to leave), we went and sat in a corner and played more beach ball question game. Then I had to leave, and everyone exchanged hugs.

I think it was one of the best days I've had lately. I've been told how lucky I am to have Nerdfighteria, and I really am. I think the whole world is lucky to have such a beautiful community. There are so many bad things in the world, so many people who say that we're only getting worse, that we're getting more and more apathetic. But then there's Nerdfighteria. And just as one lamp can light a room, Nerdfighteria gives hope where there might not be as much.

DFTBA!

Near Breaking

Well, yeah. I think "about to break" is the best way to put it.

I've been really stressed, with the speech tournament and Nerdfighter gathering this weekend. And I think I failed today's half of the math test. And NaNo ends tomorrow and I'm probably not gonna win.

I'm exhausted. I haven't been sleeping well, which isn't really saying much because I never really did sleep all that well with a time limit. It takes me ages to fall asleep and I'm exhausted in the morning and that piles on everything else.

But I'll be fine, because my mom is coming back tomorrow and things will be easier and there will be a nerdfighter gathering and so on. I'll be fine, I'm just not extremely fine right now.

I apologize for the mopey post. And now I'm off to do homework and stress some more.

Bus Ride

Today was overcast, in that depressing way that winter days sometimes are.

I got on the bus at 4 o'clock or so, because it's always late. Really it should pick us up at 3:30. It sucks.

Anyway, I got on the bus, and there were three of us - my friends and I - so I sat alone while they sat in a seat farther in front. Two guys were sitting across from me, one in front, and one diagonal-front.

I was looking out the window when I heard Diagonal-Front say -

"You only have one friend, you need to get a life, and you're a faggot."

Across #1 said, "Who, me?"

"Yeah, you."

"No, I - I have more than one friend. You know J?" (I'm not putting his full name in.)

"Yeah, yeah. I know him. He's - he's in my history class. And he hates you and he thinks you only have one friend, you need to get a life, and you're a faggot."

"No...no, he doesn't."

"Yeah, he does."

"Who do you have for history?"

"Uhh...Ms. L."

"Oh, she's the worst," said Front.

"He hesitated," said Across #2. "He had to think about it."

"He's in my history class. Isn't he in my history class?" Diagonal-Front asked Front.

"Yeah," said Front.

"He thinks you're a homophobic gay. You're afraid of gays and you are a gay." (Seriously. GRAMMAR. Okay, sorry.)

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," said Across #1, but he didn't sound certain.

"You should convert to Judaism. They'd let you be gay."

It went on like that for a while. And I didn't say anything. I should have said, "Fuck off." Or "You're an idiot if you think 'gay' is an insult." Or "You don't have to be such a dick." Or something. There was so much I could have said.

But I didn't, and Diagonal-Front got off the bus, and it passed. But I could see, in my furtive glances across the aisle, that Across #1 was still hurting. And I should have said something.

This Time Last Year

Just today I've been thinking back to last year.

It's been nearly a year since I created this blog, and that year may have been one of the most tumultuous periods of my life, including some of the hardest things I've done.

This time last year I was depressed and thoroughly terrified of the prospect of going to Israel, which frankly I had a right to be because it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it turned out for the better. This time last year I was still in eighth grade. This time last year I hadn't yet watched Doctor Who. This time last year I still had writer's block constantly to some extent. This time last year, hell, I was still writing last year's NaNo novel - it's a story I have yet to finish.

In some ways, this time last year, I was an entirely different person.

Those People: a Thanksgiving Follow-Up

I can get to be a bit of an emotional wreck. I tend to beat myself up over things for a long time after they've happened, and it can get bad.

But I've realized lately that there are some people who really help me with that and balance me out, so to speak. I've always had someone like that, or a set of someones. Sometimes it was my family, sometimes friends, sometimes others.

Often they're people I don't see as much, and I spend a lot of time imagining hypothetical conversations or situations or what they might be doing at the moment. And when they see them, I feel so happy.

I want to thank those people. They may or may not know how much they've done for me, but I love them all.

They make my universe a better place.

Spotified Owlery

As you might notice, it's 1:30 am ish.

Why am I not asleep?

Well, Spotify. Just got one, and it's addictive.

And Skyping with my girlfriend. So yeah, that's me at 1 am.

I really should sleep. But Spotify...Skype...Facebook...Youtube...

An Open Letter to the Universe (Thanksgiving)

Today is Thanksgiving. I went to my friend Noah's house as usual and there was endless food and I got a novel to read and I had excellent book conversations and I got Noah reading Looking for Alaska, which is an amazing book. I just love it so much.

I felt like I should make a Thanksgiving post. Because there is a lot to be thankful for in my life. So:

An Open Letter to the Universe

Dear universe,

I'm thankful that I exist, and that I exist in this way, and my improbably precarious life is the way it is even though it could have turned out a thousand different ways. I'm thankful that there is a lot to learn and there are so many things that can be done.

I'm thankful for my family and my friends and my girlfriend and my teachers and the new people that I meet and everyone that helps me and everyone that loves me. I am thankful that people tolerate me. I am thankful that people listen. I'm also thankful that there are the idiots who annoy me and give me bad days for good stories. I am thankful for YouTube and Facebook and the lovely Internet. I am thankful for books and music and art.

I am thankful for metaphors and wonderful coincidences and epiphanies and beautiful connections.

I'm thankful for all the wonderful authors and creators and intellectuals and inspiring people around me. I am thankful for this messed-up world.

Thank you, universe, for everything.

Sincerely,

Shira

Bad, Bad, Bad at Decisions, Decisions, Decisions: Planning Edition

Me: Hmm. I want to meet my girlfriend's friends!
Me: Over Thanksgiving!
Me: Why don't I start a Facebook group message!

(a few days pass)

Me: (in chat) So, what are we thinking to do? Where? Any ideas? There aren't any movies I particularly want to see...

(hours later)

Me: Hmm. No replies.

(an hour later)

Me: What are we doing tomorrow?
Girlfriend: I don't know, text me when you figure it out.

(after procrastinating endlessly, attempting to contact other people, and failing)

Me: AHH!
Me: What to do?
Me: Harvard Square? I sort of know it and anyway you can find most things there...
Me: Central Square? I used to live there and there are nice places...
Me: Just a café? But what would we do?
Me: Where do they live anyway?
Me: WHICH DO I CHOOSE?!

Awesomeness of Life

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I think my life is awesome.

I'm really happy with where I am today, right now. Before Thanksgiving, at high school, maybe not exactly at the perfectly ideal balance between what I like to do, what I need to do, and what is good for me, but pretty close. I have textbooks I can read so I can learn more about our vast universe. I have a speech cutting to do so that I can share the beauty of speaking with the world. I have friends. I have a girlfriend. I love the people I know. I have a vacation coming up. I can do what I like.

And who knows, maybe tomorrow I won't like where I am. But today, I really like it. And really, I'm happy with where I am now, it's just the future that sometimes distorts my view.

I've decided that I will stay in the school I am now, because I like the people and I like the freedom and I like being able to find out random things from other people's textbooks and I like theater and I like speech and I like having not too much ballet and I like being able to read books that aren't assigned to me and I like being able to choose to read old classical literature and I like writing essays of my choice and I like getting the best grades in the class (sorry, that is a bit conceited, but I am arrogant, so oh well). The uncertainty of schools was making me really unhappy, so I have decided, and I am taking the path which will cause me less stress and cause my friends less pain, even if I will not study Latin in school or read endless amounts of ancient Greek literature. I am happy. And I am here.

School: the Upside

I know John Green talked about this in one Vlogbrothers video but here I go at saying it again.

School. A lot of kids hate it.

First, let's define school. School is a (currently mandatory) institution or program of several years in which people (most often children) are taught things that the world has deemed integral, and sometimes more.

That sounds wonderful to me. Why do people dislike it?

Seriously, I mean, apart from the work, school is awesome. History and science and math and languages and writing and art and music - aren't those things amazing? We have the privilege of being able to find out about the work of almost all of human history, all that we ever strived to figure out and put together - we get to take all that in and process it and think. And we don't have to pay for it.

Some people look at school as a preparation for life. But what about now, about all the things you know and understand and think about? What about all the wonderful things you write and read and find out? We get to spend most of our days discovering new things. Why do we so despise the idea?

The best part is that loving learning and finding out new things makes it easier. It's always easier to do things that you love or at least don't hate. I find that appreciating the things that people teach me makes them much more meaningful. And the whole point of school is to teach us the things that mean something.

I like school, if you hadn't noticed. I like knowing things and understanding how the world works. That's what school is all about.

IHOP Night

Well, last night was opening night, and tonight was middle night, and both were SO AWESOME, and then we went to IHOP.

We arrived and sat down and took superlong to decide what we were ordering and I ended up getting hot chocolate and pancakes. They were good, if sugary. It wasn't really the food that counted.

We were the only group in the small IHOP universe for a while, and then this other cast from somewhere arrived. They were juniors and seniors. At first we kept to ourselves, then we mingled a bit, then this girl named Kate made a speech and everyone applauded and then.

One guy from the other table comes over to her with a napkin.

Him: Hey.
Him: I just met you.
Kate: ...?
Him: And this is crazy.
Him: But here's my number.
Him: So...
Him: Call me, maybe?

At which point everyone screamed and clapped and went insane. It was excellent. I was hyper. We took a photo that near-perfectly embodies our existence as a group. Our director left eventually, and then people started leaving. But I had the time of my life.

Later, when we were leaving, some people from the other table, who we didn't really know at all, came and hugged us. I really, really like theater people. Generally amazing and somewhat insane.

I love all of the people in Frosh play. There is simply nothing like it. I love our closeness as a cast, how well we know each other, how we have inside jokes and we always have something to talk about. It's kind of beautiful. I'm going to have serious post-play depression. It's culminating in closing night tomorrow. I don't want it to end. I've loved every minute, and I'll miss it so much. All the work, everything - it ends up glorious. Glorious enough that I can get all sappy and sentimental like I am.

Developments

I've been neglecting this blog lately. So much to do, so little time!

I'm in Frosh play, which is showing this week. It's exciting! But tons of work! But so much fun! I've been staying at school for 10-13 hours every day this week, including 8 hours on Saturday.

Term ended last week. You have no idea how happy I was that the projects and tests were over...and now I have more projects and tests. Huzzah, fun times. (Wince.)

I got a pass for Pax East! It's in March! I'm so excited! I'm going with my girlfriend, who actually knows stuff about video games, but this is apparently Nerd Central, so I'm off to see what I can see!

Also, it's NaNoWriMo.

You: But Shira, shouldn't you be writing?
Me: Yes, yes I should.
You: How far along are you?
Me: Um... *turns red*

Yeah. Not big on the progress. Lots to do tomorrow, since there is no school...

Ugh

It has not been a good few days.

Or it has.

But I'm just not feeling good. I'm not sick or anything. I just feel blechy.

I feel like I annoy people when I message them. Also Halloween is this week and NaNoWriMo is starting and term is ending soon and I've got projects due and our freshman play is showing mid-November and I need to work on my speech for speech team.

Also I've been thinking about my girlfriend's school a lot. They have an open house today. I think I would like going there. But I think I don't want to transfer for another person. And I do like my school, I really do. I just don't know. And I don't want to leave my friends. But I would love going there. But I don't want to. I want to love where I am and let it stay that way.

I'm worried I'm getting bad again.

Speeeech

This happened a week ago. But whatever.

I had a speech tournament. My first.

It was a novice tournament, so everyone there was doing it for the first time, but it was still stressful. The night before I was utterly hyperventilating. But whatever.

I got up at 5:50 on last Saturday. (Yeah. Crazy, I know.) I put on my skirt suit and my makeup, packed a bag, ate a small breakfast, and drank some coffee. I got to school at seven and bundled into a car with three other sleep-deprived competitors. The driver (a parent) had gotten us munchkins, which was nice.

After an hour-long drive, we arrived at Most Catholicly Named School Ever, aka Sacred Heart. We put our bags down in the cafeteria/gym place (I really didn't get it either), then found an empty room in which we could do voice and body warm-ups. After that we returned to the cafeteria and checked the postings for where we would be competing. Then came the nerve-wracking first round.

For a first-ever round, I think it went pretty well. Nerdfighteria was included in the speech I presented, and one of the judges was a Nerdfighter  - I saw her smiling at me the whole time and, as I found out later, she wrote DFTBA on my ballot!

I was still nervous, though, and I was pretty much shaking when I came back to my seat. It turns out I got my lowest ranking in that round - third out of six places - but that's not bad either.

The second round was far easier, but my stomach kept growling at odd intervals. I was so tired that I hadn't noticed how hungry I was, and ended up having to surreptitiously stuff sunflower seeds in my mouth between speakers. That was awkward. But my speech went fine, and I got ranked second!

Then it was lunch/critically review your performance in the first two rounds with your friends/critically review other people's performances in the first two rounds with your friends/re-apply makeup/freak out all over again time. *cue elevator music*

Anyway, then there was the third round, in which I was also ranked second, and then we had time to sit around and do nothing/take photos with other team members. And then we went to the auditorium, where there were seniors who had competed in NFL (that's National Forensic League) finals, and they presented their pieces. There was a girl who did declamation just amazingly, a spectacular duo interp of Dr. Jekyll and Hyde, a phenomenal extemp person (where you're given like 30 minutes to prepare a speech and then you present it), and a hilarious humorous interp. It sort of made you think, "Why do I do this again?" but it was quite entertaining to watch.

Then there were awards for anyone who'd gotten first place, which I hadn't, and then we got our ballots, took a team picture, and went home. We were all simply exhausted, though I was vaguely hyper on the fact that two of the six people who had judged me were Nerdfighters.

People ask why I do speech, why I take the time to write and practice and wake up at 5:50 and give away my Saturdays. First, you get to talk all day, and people have to listen. Second, why does anyone do a sport or play music or make art? Because they like it, or because they want to get better at it. I love words. I love moving people with words. And that's what speech is all about.

Simchat Torah

Yeah, yeah, I hate that "ch" instead of a nice throaty sound, but that's the way to spell it without it looking weird.

Anyway.

This evening through tomorrow is Simchat Torah. That means that we've finished reading the Torah and are starting over again from Bereshit, which is Genesis in English. What's special about it for me is that it's sometimes the only time in the whole year when I actually go to temple (yeah, sometimes I'm ashamed of that fact). But at least it's one time, and at least it never changes. There's always a few hakafot (rounds) inside and then we bring it out to the street, which is always closed off for the purpose.

My dad, my brother, and I arrived for the beginning of the outdoor hakafot. I found my preschool friends and hugged them. I haven't seen some of them since last Simchat Torah, which was a year ago. It's funny that after all that happened, all the insanity of the past year - it's still the same, the same people still know me, it's still been a year since I saw them, the bronze leaf-shaped plaque with my name that my grandmother paid for is still on the big tree of bronze leaves, I still get hyper, the same insanity ensues. My preschool friends and I set out on a mission to change the direction in which the circles travelled. More often than not, it simply resulted in the circle breaking and half the people continuing the way they had been before, but we succeeded a few times. I saw the director of Frosh play there, which was a bit disconcerting but really awesome. By the fifth hakafa or so, there was candy downstairs. Perhaps a bit stupidly, I ingested a cup of apple cider and about five candy bars. It showed really, really quickly.

My preschool friend: Okay, I'm done with this apple.
(he tossed the core in the trash)
Me: KILL that apple core!
Him: What. What happened to you.
Me: Everything.
Him: Yeah, it does seem like that...

Then we passed by a lot of people, many of whom I didn't know. My friend would basically high-five them or something and then:

Me: HI!
Random person: Hi.
My friend: She's really hyper on candy. Really, really hyper.
Me: Yep!

Then we continued revolutionizing the directions of the circles and got a hold of a Torah scroll, forming our own small circle. By now the sugar was totally in my head and I was laughing and laughing and laughing. And people were singing and screaming and running and dancing and everyone was sort of high on the emotion everywhere. It makes you feel like the world will always be okay, the same few people still know and remember you, the same stars will shine above you, the same prayers will be said in the same language and you'll still be the only one in your vicinity with the proper accent. It doesn't matter where you go. Home will still be home.

As it neared 9 pm it was evident that we had to go, since there's school tomorrow and it will be my birthday. In some ways, this seemed like one of the best birthday presents I could get, the day of the year that inspires me the most, because it's always somehow the same, no matter where I've been. More than Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, Simchat Torah makes me feel like I can start a new year cleanly, because I've gone back to one of my first homes.

I searched for my friend to say goodbye, but he was at the heart of the concentric circles with a Torah in his arms. Finally, we turned to go back down the rest of the one-way street and onto the familiar brick sidewalks to the car. The bright lights and party and the endless amount of people seemed faraway again, just a crowd in front of a building. The sugar rush began to die down.

And as we walked the familiarly foreign streets, it occurred to me that maybe I didn't have to say goodbye. All my life I've been saying goodbyes. But they never are. And hopefully, they never will be.

Things you like to do

I heard somewhere that you can choose what you do, but you can't choose what you like to do.

This may be obvious to some, but to me it was an entirely new idea. For a long time I'd had these love-hate relationships with things in my life such as music and dance. Many people love them, but I didn't. I thought if I worked hard at them, I would love them. But no. There are some things I simply don't like. It was kind of hard for me to accept that.

Because my whole life I'd felt like there were things I should like and things I shouldn't, based on what other people liked or didn't. There are things that are hard to let go of. It was just as hard as letting go of a façade or breaking a tradition I'd had for my whole life. It's difficult, but after that it feels like things suddenly got easier.

Lizard

My brother: Yeah, in science class my teacher's showing us the series "Life" and Oprah Winfrey's in it as, um -
My mom: as prominent lizard.
My brother: Yeah. Wait - what?

A dream

Today I thought of Israel, and suddenly it didn't feel like it ever happened.

Suddenly people forget that I was ever gone.

Suddenly it all feels like a dream, like something that fades away as the day goes on until finally I don't remember and it doesn't affect me anymore.

Is this what was always going to happen?

It's scaring me. Really scaring me.

But every so often I have these weird almost flashback things. It happens when I'm thinking about nothing in particular and suddenly it feels like I had something, something I can't even grasp anymore, and I just miss it so much. Like on Saturday, when I was in a cupcake shop with my girlfriend and Titanium came on the radio and it reminded me of the surprise party my friends and I threw for one girl's birthday, because Titanium came on and I was singing really loudly to it. The sliding glass door to the balcony was open and a summer evening breeze was coming in. At one point in the party I just went outside and stood there and thought of the impending end of Israel, the end I'd felt like would never come. There was a flock of black birds that took flight over the dirty white buildings, the graffiti showing the more permanent expressions of free speech. It was quieter than inside but I could still hear all the cars and bustle on Allenby and King George street, and I felt nowhere but everywhere, almost like floating. I don't know if I'll feel it again.

And sitting in the cupcake shop it just hit me, how much it's faded from my memory, and how much I do miss the people I met and the places I love and the friends I made. It feels like a dream now because it was, it was a beautiful way to start over and remake myself. The dream is over, but I guess it will always lurk in my subconscious. I hope it never disappears.

Slow Fast

Yeah, it's an oxymoron. I don't care. I'm cranky.

Cranky

It's Yom Kippur. I'm fasting, just drinking water. Because dehydration may be what you're supposed to do, but I'm disinclined to force it upon myself. I mean, hunger is one thing, but I'm not going too far.

And I'm hungry.

Hungry

And repetitive too, I guess...

Yeah...

And low on energy...

And with a strange urge to bother all my friends over the internet...

Internet

Yay

HUNGER

Only an hour and 15 minutes to go, people...only 1.25 hours...only...

HUNGER
CRANKY

mfff

Friday

I haven't updated in a while...hmm...

Friday was One School One Book. Guess what it was, and what made my summer infinitely more awesome?

The Fault in Our Stars. Which I finished in January. And loved.

So I got to talk about it the whole morning. And then I got to go to a panel called "Humor and Irony: Can Irony Save Us?" which I enjoyed quite a lot even though some were disappointed. There were two professors on comedy and one stand-up comedian on the panel. They talked about the ways irony can help us, but they also talked about how it sometimes hides us and hides our opinions, which can be dangerous.

Then there was a wrap-up video, which included part of this Vlogbrothers video. I was so, so excited after that. People were looking at me funny. Did I care? Not at all.

Then of course there was math and wellness, which felt rather boring after the morning, but you know, what can you do.

Then there was play practice. My practice was from 4:15-5:15, so I had two hours to sit around in the hallway. In the first hour, a pretty-much-friend of mine and I lay on the floor and looked at the ceiling and discussed random stuff while the rest of the group talked about weight and body image. She was picking at the linoleum tiling when -

Her: Oh, I picked up the floor.
Me: What? You mean it feels like you picked up the floor?
Her: Look. (She held up a green linoleum tile)
Me: Oh. Well then.

She was going to put it back when I stopped her, tore a piece of paper out of my notebook, and got out a pen. My side of the paper said something like

DFTBA!

Shira Abramovich, Class of 2016
September 21, 2012

And her side said

Hi!
F*ck

I don't remember what else she wrote, but in her words, "I enjoy writing curse words on random stuff." Then we stuck the paper in and squished the linoleum back into place.

So that's that. I went to my friend's house for dinner later and borrowed two books from her dad's enormous comic book collection.

And it was a lovely Friday.

Nostalgia and some realizations

I'm in one of those moods when you really want to cry but you can't so you can't get it out and you're stuck in this sort of pool of sadness, some of it pointless. Often it's nostalgia. It is now.

See, today I thought about Israel. I miss it a lot. Sometimes it just doesn't feel like that was life at all, just a story that I can tell, one that most people are really interested in.

I miss it, I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss our tiny apartment and my strip of blue wall and the  public transportation and school. Six months can be so long but so short.

And my girlfriend is at another school now and suddenly I can see how it might have been for my friends back here. Oh, it must have been hard. I miss her so much at school and every so often she'll come up in conversation and we'll ask why she isn't here, and we'll remember that she went to a different high school and none of us can really talk to her because she's so busy.

I just hope that we won't stop at least attempting to see each other. I want to have fun at school and I want her to have fun at her school but I wish we could talk.

I wish a lot of things.

Life, the Universe, and Everything

1: Let's start our being animals club meeting! I'm gonna be a monkey!
2: I'm gonna be an...elephant!
3: And I'm gonna be a lioness! Look at mah hair glow like a lioness, I'm so scary! You're scared of me, you're scared of me! Rarr!
1: It's gonna be hard to drive like this. I'm a monkey, I'm a monkey! Look! Bananas! Let's veer off the road and attack them!
3: Look at me, I'm scary! Rarr, rarr, I'm scary! Aw yeah, you are so scared!

---

1: You're ruining the innocence! So young! So young!
2: It's a chair!
1: It can't say no, how does that make you feel, huh, the chair can't say no! It doesn't have a choice!

---

1: Want to have a look at my toenail collection?

---

1: I have a seizure every time anyone says "um." * seizure *

---

1: My pet turtle died and you're laughing! You're not supposed to laugh at that!
2: Well, you have to admit, it is a funny story...
1: How can you SAY that?!
2: Um, your friend fed it sulfuric acid instead of water! That just doesn't happen!

---

1: I'M TERRIFIED OF SHOES! AHHHH!

---

Girl: You know that time when...umm...we were at your house and your brother was there?
Boy: Um, um...yeah?
Girl: I, well, I, um, may or may not have made out with him...
Boy: ...
Boy: You're SIX YEARS OLD!
Girl: He started it!

---

You see, my friends, I have found the answer to life, the universe, and everything. It is not forty-two, oh no. The answer is - get ready for it - IMPROV.

Why is anyone impersonating animals? Improv. Why did someone's friend feed a turtle sulfuric acid? Improv. Why did a six-year-old make out with someone? Improv...or something really, REALLY, wrong.

Homework

Me: I don't want to do it.

Me: You have to.

Me: Ugh.

Me: Get off your blog.

Me: I don't want to.

Me: English homework. History homework. Math. Do it.

Me: But I don't want to be dissecting a book I read for pleasure at 7:30 in the evening! I want to properly read at my own leisure and be able to get to bed at a decent time!

Me: So start your work.

Me: Aghhhh.

Me: Shut up. Now.

The Personal Essay

I slept over at my friend's house two nights ago. My girlfriend, who goes to another school, was there too and she said that her assignment for the weekend was to write a personal essay.

"That sounds fun!" I said. "I want to write a personal essay!"

Basically, she wants me to transfer to her school. Her main argument is that there may be a lot of work, but it will be work I'll want to do. So far (as much as I hate to say it) her argument does have some substance.

Well, anyway. It took me three hours (factoring in the large amount of A Very Potter Musical that I was watching while doing the work) to do a short paragraph for my history class, and it took me fifteen minutes to write the personal essay. (Ouch, right?) Anyway, here it is. (I do realize that this is short too.)

---

I must have been six, and it had snowed.

“It’s a snow day,” Aba said, “and the driveway needs shoveling.” We didn’t even have our snow blower or our digital camera yet – it was that long ago. So I, along with then three-year-old Itai, was recruited to help clear the driveway. Or perhaps we volunteered. We were young enough that we liked doing chores.

We bundled up in all our gear in the order that kindergarten teachers always say you should – snow pants, boots, coat, hat, gloves. Itai and I each got a small shovel and set out to help our parents. It’s possible that we were really being a nuisance rather than helping, but it was probably better than leaving us inside to our own devices.

It took a long time – of course it did, otherwise they wouldn’t have called a snow day. It was eerily silent, the kind of silence that you only have when it snows. The endless whiteness swallows up the sound.

I was shoveling by the big living room window when I stopped and looked around. My nose was cold and red and hurting a little and everyone was working around me.

“Am I doing well?” Itai asked in his high-pitched voice.

“You’re doing perfectly,” Mama said.

For a minute I almost felt like I wasn’t there, like I was looking through my eyes from somewhere far away. It was like this bundle of questions suddenly was delivered to my mind. Why are we here? How are we here?

It’s the first time I actually remember the questions. How did it happen? How did I come to be right here, right now? How am I alive?

After maybe a minute it occurred to me that I should probably keep on shoveling. I pushed the questions aside, stuck the shovel in the snow, and threw it to the side.

So far, it’s been eight years since then. I haven’t stopped asking.

Beginnings

So high school started this week.

Or, should I say -

OH MY GOD, HIGH SCHOOL STARTED THIS WEEK.

Well, aside from its inevitable enormity and whatever, it looks like it will be pretty good, actually.

Crazy? Almost definitely. Fun? Looks like it. Adventure? Hopefully.

Great Friends

Me: Oh, hi! (...I haven't seen you in eight months...)
Her: Fuck you.
Me: Thanks. (I missed you too!)

Which pretty much sums up our sort-of friendship. It's all in jest, all in jest.

September?!

How?

The Hogwarts Express chugged along to Hogwarts at 11 am today and now Asylum of the Daleks is airing and high school is starting in three days.

Huh?

Um

Doctor Who is back on today, AHHHH!

So I've been hunting around for a way to watch it. And now, when the UK premiere is practically over, I found one. Um. Thanks.

Ice Cream Whatagain

Well.

Yesterday I went to something at the high school I'll be at starting Tuesday. They called it an ice cream social.

Just ponder that for a minute. What?

STOP TACKING FANCY NAMES ONTO THINGS.

Okay, sorry. I'll continue now.

The only reason I went was that we were getting our schedules.

So.

I went to the "student center" (aka cafeteria for normal folk like you and me) and stood in line for like ten minutes to get the schedule. I got it, and it looked like this:

A block: Directed Study
B block: Directed Study
C block: Directed Study
ETC.

I looked at it for about a minute and finally thought, "That can't be right..."

And then I had to go to the office and get it sorted out and I missed the looking around the school and getting a tour and whatever. Take a moment to pity me.

...

Thank you.

So after that I went back to the cafeteria for a Schedule Comparison Fest and various processed sweet frozen stuff. Processed sweet frozen stuff happens to be delicious, which made it a little less irritating that almost none of my friends are in my classes.

After looking at my schedule just now I've decided that the schedule times make absolutely no sense. I may be vastly confused for the first month or so, hmm...

"Reunion"

There was this thing. At the art center.

They called it a reunion but it wasn't really, it was just an invitation to come and make art with other people. And eat pizza. And ice cream. And it was brilliant.

I was the first one there and then this other girl came and we were talking and laughing with the teachers. We made a plan for what we were going to do on the giant canvas that was provided. Then we started to paint and some other kids arrived. I went downstairs to see my friends from ceramics since I wasn't attending this week. We ate pizza and ice cream and went on painting.

I did not feel at all emotionally attached to the painting that I was doing with the second girl who arrived. The other people were also doing a giant one. It was amazing not to give a damn at all and just go wild with color. Ours ended up as a real explosion of hues, and quite abstract too. The canvas was absolutely enormous. I've never done something so large-scale.

So. Much. Fun.

I talked with the girl about middle school and high school and social things and it was kind of fun because we had the same opinions on a lot of things even though she's a "popular kid" and I'm a "book/YouTube nerd." It's amazing how fundamentally similar humans are.

When I signed my name at the end of the evening, I looked at our work and kind of liked it. It definitely wasn't my favorite thing I ever made but it wasn't bad. Creating it was almost like letting go, just letting everything out, with vast brush strokes across the enormous space.

It feels good not to be attached, almost like floating, like being on a ship in the open sea. You choose what ports to enter, which ones you want to explore, and where you want to stay. "I can see...perfectly in this cracked darkness." ~ Paper Towns by John Green

Impossible Life

We went out for dinner (our excuse was that I have finally done my placement test and have most of my schedule for the coming year sorted out) - it was an Ethiopian/Eritrean restaurant. The food was delicious; we ate it by picking it up with pieces of pancake-like bread. It's fun to eat with your hands and have it be proper.

The restaurant is in Cambridge, around the area where we lived until I was about five or six. It's a little strange being around there because I feel a strange familiarity, yet also a disconnect - it's the first place I knew, but I don't really know it as well anymore. Almost like déjà-vu. I know the way the streets connect but I no longer know the contents. I know the skeleton, but not the sinew.

And as we stepped out of the little, low-lit restaurant, my world was full of impossibles: the air was impossibly muggy; the lights of Mass Ave impossibly bright; the crescent-but-fading-to-gibbous moon looking impossibly close; the sky impossibly, deeply blue, as it is when twilight begins fading to night; parts of the place, like the grass in front of City Hall and the Post Office, impossibly familiar, so familiar that it's like I never left, and yet so many places so impossibly different and strange.

Suddenly I was struck by the impossibility of my world; the infinite paths that could have been taken. The precariousness of everything. It is all impossible. As the Doctor says, we're all stories. "We're all stories in the end." That's how impossible we are.

High School

Me: * mentions high school *

Mom: Hi, school, how are you?

Me: ...

Strange Favorite

My favorite knife needs to be sharpened.

See, we have these three big knives. Two are long; one has a rounder blade. Two have thicker blades, while the last one has a thinner one.

My favorite one is the one with the round, thicker blade.

I'm classy. I have knife favorites.

(Or, you know, I could be a serial killer. Whatever.)

I am a bad girl, me

So I went to ceramics, which was awesome. I painted a teacup I made with white and copper-green slip and I'm going to glaze it tomorrow.

Of course, since I wasn't throwing today (only trimming and painting and sitting around because I didn't make enough stuff this week to keep myself occupied), I, as well as my wheel, was much less dirty. So I cleaned up my stuff and then my friends and I basically ditched the class. (Oh well...the classroom was pretty clean anyways...)

We were upstairs and my friend and I were unlocking my bike from the railing by the door and another one was sitting on the railing and then my friend asked me to come get ice cream with her. At first I said no, I shouldn't, I should get home, because my grandparents will be expecting me (my parents are in the Berkshires). But then we started riding and I thought, what the hell, why not, ice cream is amazing.

So we went to Cabot's and each got an American small-size (which of course is medium to large size everywhere else) and stood around finishing them off. By then it was around six, and class had ended at 5:30.

Of course, I was expected to be a little late because I had to pick up a book at the library, but not as late as I was going to be now.

But anyway, she agreed to stop by the library with me. As we leaned our bikes on the bike-tying things (but didn't lock them because it's tedious) I called my grandparents and said that I'd had to stick around and help clean. Which was basically the opposite of what had happened. But whatever.

I checked out my request (The Night Circus, for anyone who cares) and another book that I saw that looked cool and I decided to check out (and I still have no idea what it is) and then we kept riding towards home. We take the back streets, since I hate one of the intersections on the way. Suddenly I noticed that in front of one house, the part between the sidewalk (or "pavement" if you're British) and the road, where usually there's water-wasting grass that the city maintains, someone had planted tomatoes.

Of course, we stopped and stole some. (To be fair, I think it's city property anyway, so whatever.) They were good. Literally just-picked. Nothing like it.

Soon we got to my driveway and we went our separate ways.

And this is why I relish my freedom.

Another Survey

1. What time did you get up this morning? 
9:30 am.

2. How do you like your steak?
Medium. 

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
The Dark Knight Rises. Good movie. Very good movie.

4. What is your favorite TV show?
DOCTOR WHO.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Excluding Tel Aviv, where I already lived, London. Or New York (City). Or Paris.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
A fresh sesame bagel and various types of cream cheese. 

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
I don't play food favorites.

8. What foods do you dislike?
I don't love bitter-tasting things. And I don't eat innards, other than tongue. Or duck, because I love ducks as animals.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
At old friends' houses, because everything tastes good and the people are friendly.

10. Favorite dressing?
I don't think dressings are separate from the salad. So just give me a tasty salad and I'll be happy. 

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
At thirteen, do you want me to be driving? 

12. What are your favorite clothes?
In winter, jeans, a shirt, and a sweatshirt. In summer, anything summery.

13. Where would you visit, this weekend, if you had the chance?
London or New York. 

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
It's half air and half something else. Deal?

15. Where would you want to retire?
I don't think that far ahead. Damn it, I haven't even started working!

16. Favorite time of day?
First thing in the morning or early evening. 

17. Where were you born?
Boston, MA. 

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Gymnastics or swimming. 

19. How many siblings?
One younger brother. 

20. Favorite pastime/hobby?
 YouTube/creating videos, bothering people, ukulele, writing, reading, crafts, and plastic arts.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
I'm not.

22. Bird watcher?
I would call myself a world-watcher. 

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
I go either way, as long as I get enough sleep, but I lean towards morning.

24. Do you have any pets?
No.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
None that I'd like to share. Or, wait - my grandparents are here. And also I'm going to ceramics again this week. And my friend is coming back from camp sometime in the next few weeks.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
A drummer. 

27. What is your best childhood memory?
I don't play memory favorites, either. And I like to think that my childhood is still going, maybe? I'll share some in other blog posts, I guess. They're too long for a survey.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
Either. 

29. Are you married?
I'm thirteen, okay? 
...
(In case you're still wondering, NO.)

30. Always wear your seat belt?
I do. Except for that one time in New York where the car wasn't big enough for everyone and I sat on someone's lap until a police car went by and then I would lie down. It was very hard to get up again.

31. Been in a car accident?
Yeah, I guess. 

32. Any pet peeves?
People smacking their lips.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
I still don't play food favorites. 

34. Favorite Flower?
Tulip? Lily? I don't know! (I also don't know what some of my favorites are called...) 

35. Favorite ice cream?
Strawberry, peach, mint...I guess anything without peanuts. 

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
I don't really eat fast food. 

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Like I said. Thirteen years old. No driving.

38. From whom did you get your last email?
Facebook. Of course.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Strand Bookstore or Anthropologie or a store with clothing/bags that I really like.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
I ran into a sprinkler. Best choice ever.

41. Like your job?
As a soon-to-be ninth grader? Yeah, I guess. I don't really have a choice. 

42. Broccoli?
Yeah. It tastes good.

43. What was your favorite vacation?
Cape Cod? Italy? San Francisco and Yosemite? Israel?
I guess I don't play vacation favorites either...

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
My family. It was my mom's birthday. 

45. What are you listening to right now?
The air conditioner.

46. What is your favorite color?
Red or blue. My favorite combo is blue and yellow. 

47. How many tattoos do you have?
None. 

48. How many people will fill this out?
I don't know...I stole it from someone...

49. What time did you finish this quiz?
I'm not done yet! But it's 5:46 pm.

50. Coffee Drinker?
Half teaspoon of coffee with TONS of milk and TONS of sugar. If I were to have any more caffeine I would explode of hyper. I can drink tea, though.

Metaphors

When I read The Fault in Our Stars, I thought at first that Augustus was a bit crazy, doing things for their metaphorical resonances.

But lately I've found that I think of almost everything as a metaphor. Rain. Flowers. Light. Wind. Even a fly that was buzzing relentlessly about the room.

And really, like John Green said, many of the things we do have metaphorical meanings. Sports, for example, or any kind of winning or losing situation that makes someone come out on top. It's a way to justify our views of who's better or worse than anyone else.

Trains and stars are probably my favorite metaphors. Trains are always moving; they never stay in one place, and stars connect us all.

To me, that's beautiful.

In the middle of Crash Course

It was dinnertime.

Me: But I was just in the middle of learning history!
Mom: Ugh. Just because your family wants you to eat dinner with them.
Mom: I suggest you fire them.

Watching Crash Course

That's what I'm doing. I don't really watch the biology ones as much but I do watch world history (because, you know, world history is the single thing that American education up to grade seven or so does not really teach - yeah, I know about the Native Americans and I've learned the American Revolution about three times, don't wonder why I'm not that interested in class).

This week's video was about the French Revolution. I learned all about it in Israel. It was cool.

Then, a picture of Marie Antoinette came up and the little "did you know" thing said "The cake was a lie."

Me: The cake was a lie?
Me: ...
Me: THE CAKE IS A LIE!
Me: LET THEM EAT CAKE!
Me: OH MY FREAKING GOD I GET IT!

And then it was chair happy dance time.

(If you get only half the things I'm saying in this blog post, go see the awesome that are John and Hank Green on Vlogbrothers and Crash Course. Join the Nerdfighters! We are made of awesome!)

(Marie Antoinette never exactly said "Let them eat cake" so the cake WAS a lie.)

(Also, excuse me for being vaguely disconnected with some aspects of popular culture.)

(And excuse the excessive parentheses.)

(I read once in Writer's Digest that you should not use parentheses. At all.)

(I don't really care.)

Retainersh: the follow-up

If you didn't know, I have retainers, which is why my teeth are still straight.

I haven't been wearing it 24/7 like I should, so I have been absolutely terrified of this appointment.

So we get there. My brother goes first. He's fine. I am getting more and more nervous.

I go and sit in the chair and she comes and looks and says "Oh, looking good! It would have looked better if you could have seen an orthodontist in the past six months, but it's very good."

At which point I sighed with relief. I had been so incredibly scared that she would speak to me in the way that makes you want to cry and scream "I'm sorry! I have failed you! I shall never fail you again!"

So she made some adjustments and now it fits perfectly and I am very happy.

Today was a good day.

So we were on Facebook chat

My friend: Hello Ms. Purple!
Me: purple?!
Me: what does purple have to do with anything?
Him: It's a random color, that's all!
Me: uhhh
Me: okay then
Him: You can call me Mr. Black or any other color
Me: so we're color people now?
Him: yes, this is Avatar
Me: lovely
Me: Avatar as in The Last Airbender?
Him: no, the freaking Spielberg movie
Him: they're all blue!
Me: right right right
Me: but we would be from a different planet
Me: because we're not blue
Him: don't get into details
Me: ...

Common peoples of the earth: please address my esteemed self as "Miss Purple" (because as of now I am young and unmarried) and my glorified friend as Sir Orange.

Who I am

Lately I've started to slightly question who I am.

Here I was a nerd who always read books and went on the internet.

In Israel, added to that, I was the one who called out all the time in math and English and had screaming conversations with boys which people gathered around to watch. I was the one who hit those same boys with books when they "misbehaved." My best friends were those boys.

Am I that girl?

Or am I the one I was here?

I liked that new start, the chance to create yourself perhaps slightly differently. I think, in my life, I'd like to do it again. But the thing is, I now have slightly different reputations. I wouldn't hang out with boys as much here (that would be vaguely unacceptable); I can't be sort-of-friends with the popular group; I can't hit people with books (that would be entirely unacceptable).

But both those people are part of me.

We'll have to see what high school throws into this mix...

Book Survey

1. Favorite childhood book?

Define "childhood." But anyway, when I was younger I really liked Boxcar Children books by Gertrude Chandler Warner (some name, right?). Then I read Harry Potter and I couldn't read anything else for two months. After that I liked pretentious award-winning books. I still do, I guess.

2. What are you reading right now?

Physics for Future Presidents by Richard A. Muller, The King Must Die by Mary Renault, various Batman comics, and rereading books from my library.

3. What books do you have on request at the library?

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by I-forget-who, various Batman comics by various authors, etc. 

4. Bad book habit?

Insisting that I must keep reading even when I'm exhausted and my mind starts to wander so that I read whole pages and don't register a word. 

5. What do you currently have checked out at the library?

Not including movies: All-Star Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder, volume 1 written by Frank Miller, Scrawl: a novel by Mark Shulman, Batman: Haunted Knight by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, Batman: The Long Halloween by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, Witness for the Prosecution, and other stories by Agatha Christie, Bad Boy: a memoir by Walter Dean Myers, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, Now and Forever by Ray Bradbury, Tamar by Mal Peet, Batman and Son by Grant Morrison, Batman: Battle for the Cowl by Tony S. Daniel, Batman: Dark Victory by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, the aforementioned Physics for Future Presidents by Richard A. Muller, Gilgamesh, translated by Stephen Mitchell, The King Must Die by Mary Renault, The Batman Handbook by Scott Beatty, Marvel 1602 by Neil Gaiman, Catwoman: When in Rome by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, and A User's Guide to the Universe by Dave Goldberg and Jeff Blomquist.

That makes me look Batman-obsessed. Batman does not rival the magnitude of my other obsessions.

6. Do you have an e-reader?

Yeah. A nook.

7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once?

It depends on the book. At the moment I am reading several less-engrossing books, but if they're really interesting, I'll figuratively swallow them whole one at a time. (Honestly, my throat can only take so much.)

8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog?

No? I don't think?

9. Least favorite book you read this year (so far?)

Uhhh...I don't know...I haven't read bad books, really...

10. Favorite book you’ve read this year?

The complete works of John Green. They're good enough that I bought them. (I read Looking for Alaska in late 2011 but whatever.)

11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone?

Often, I guess, but out of my comfort zone sort of is my comfort zone, if that makes any sense. Like I said, I like award-winning books, so I do read those. And I'd like to be well-read, so earlier this year I read Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing which was great, even though I didn't understand every word. I would like to read the great classics as well.

Also, my friend is going to a pretentious high school next year and I said I would read all the books on her summer reading list. Which admittedly are only four. But damn, they're high-end. Gilgamesh, The King Must Die, Physics for Future Presidents, and Gulliver's Travels. So yeah.

12. What is your reading comfort zone?

Everything except erotica and most sci-fi.

13. Can you read on the bus?

Yeah, usually. Sometimes I get queasy, but not often. 

14. Favorite place to read?

On my bed, on the couch, or on the front steps.

15. What is your policy on book lending?

I am horrible at getting books back to people (it once took me five years), so if someone asks I'll lend it to them but I'll be sure to try to get them back.

16. Do you ever dog-ear books?

No. I am big on libraries and not buying books unless I really love them or I just should, so I try to preserve them as they are. That said, I did take a pencil and correct the it's-instead-of-its in Physics for Future Presidents. That is something that the next reader will benefit from, and will let me stop freaking out over it.

17. Do you ever write in the margins of your books?

Not usually. But see the previous question for a special case.

18. Not even with text books?

I wish I could. But most of them belong to the school. It would make it so much easier if I could write in them.

19. What is your favorite language to read in?

English. I ought to read more in Hebrew, especially as I've got some good books that aren't translated. I hate reading translations if I have the opportunity to read the original. I'd like to reach a level in French so that I could read all sorts of French literature.

20. What makes you love a book?

Good writing, believable characters, compelling plot.

21. What will inspire you to recommend a book?

1. If I really like it or 2. if I would like to discuss it with someone. Why else?

22. Favorite genre?

Middle-grade and YA fiction. No vampires.

23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?)

Nonfiction/biographies or maybe more classics.

24. Favorite biography?

I prefer biographies of fictional characters. ;) Not really, I just don't read very many biographies.

25. Have you ever read a self-help book?

Unless you count The Feelings Book from American Girl, no, I don't think. 

26. Favorite cookbook?

I am not in the habit of reading cookbooks. However, The Crêpe-Makers' Pact by Julie Crabtree has some recipes in it. That was an enjoyable book.

27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)?

Paper Towns or The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, or maybe The Book Thief by Markus Zusak.

28. Favorite reading snack?

Anything?

29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience.

None that I can think of, but I'll come back to edit this if I do.

30. How often do you agree with critics about a book?

I try not to read reviews because they influence me. I know it sounds a little crazy, but their opinions will make me vaguely question my own.

31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews?

I feel that if I don't like it, I don't have to say I like it.

32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you choose?

French, German, or Russian. Just because I love languages.

33. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read? 

Can't think of any right now...

34. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin?

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I read a little bit and it creeped me out.

35. Favorite Poet?

I love poetry, but I don't have a favorite.

36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time?

Around twenty.

37. How often have you returned book to the library unread?

A few times, just because they were 1. on hold or 2. overdue and not renewable.

38. Favorite fictional character? 

Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Margo Roth Spiegelman, Hazel Grace Lancaster, Pudge Halter, Severus Snape.

39. Favorite fictional villain?

Severus Snape or Draco Malfoy. Amazing characters.

40. Books you’re most likely to bring on vacation?

I bring anything I can on vacation! Probably things I'm reading or am looking forward to reading.

41. The longest you’ve gone without reading.

Perhaps a month. It did not end well.

42. Name a book that you could/would not finish.

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein. But my brother has recently read/listened to it and I can't let him out-read me. 

43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading?

My thoughts. They are extremely loud.

44. Favorite film adaptation of a novel?

Hugo. We are calling The Invention of Hugo Cabret a novel, right?

45. Most disappointing film adaptation?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It did not scare me like it should have.

46. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time?

Over $100, at Strand Bookstore in New York City. That's the only place I allow myself to buy books without having read them yet. 

47. How often do you skim a book before reading it?

Never. Ever.

48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through?

Slow plot. I can't deal with it!

49. Do you like to keep your books organized?

I used to. But since I just decided to give away a lot of my books, I haven't really kept them organized. I don't really have too many because of my commitment to not-buying-until-I-have-really-thought-about-it-long-and-hard, so organization isn't all that important, I just need them to be on the shelves.

50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them?

Keep and lend.

51. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding?

Twilight. I REFUSE.

52. Name a book that made you angry.

Mockingjay. Just - so depressing and screwed-up. I felt horrible after reading that and I was already not the sanest of people, so that's definitely not good.

53. A book you didn’t expect to like but did?

Harry Potter, funnily enough. I had been avoiding it for a while because people had told me it was "scary" and "hard" so even when it was recommended to me, I didn't read it. Until my fourth-grade teacher read it aloud to us. Then I couldn't stop reading it. Still can't, really.

54. A book that you expected to like but didn’t?

Again: Mockingjay. WHY, Suzanne Collins, WHY?

55. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading?

Rereading books I like. And I don't really read except for pleasure - I mean, I try to enjoy even assigned books. That said, I'm not a great fan of textbooks.