Christopher Aiff, Augustus Waters, and the Great Wide World of Happiness

There's this channel on YouTube called SoulPancake. It's a wonderful channel really, but they have so much content all the time that I don't always watch all of it. However, I decided to go and catch up on some things.

SoulPancake has a lot of different "sub-shows." One of them is My Last Days, which seems to be about people with terminal diseases, mainly different kinds of cancer. And this is when, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present unto you all: Christopher Aiff.

Christopher has Osteosarcoma in his leg, just like Augustus from TFiOS. He doesn't (seem to) have a prosthesis, but he does have a scar. And he is one of the most inspiring people I've ever met.

You should watch the video, but basically, he was going through chemotherapy and just before the final treatment, he decided he didn't want to do it anymore. His family supported his decision, and at the time this video was filmed, he had six months and two days left to live.

What I really love about Christopher is 1. his charisma and 2. his happiness with the situation. Honestly, one of the best quotes from the video is:

"The decision to be positive is not one that disregards or belittles the sadness that exists. It is rather a conscious choice to focus on the good and to cultivate happiness...for happiness is not a limited resource."

Maybe "happiness" isn't quite the right word. He says himself that he would still be grateful for more time if the world were willing to allow it. But he does not moan or mope. In fact, he says -

"...when we devote our energy and time to trivial matters and choose to stress over things that ultimately are insignificant, from that point we perpetuate our own sadness, and we lose sight of the things that really make us happy, and rationalize our way out of doing amazing things."

The dying are often the most content with their situation, simply because they must be. I am quite sure that I don't realize how much I have. I am, when I try to see it, among the more fortunate people on this earth.

Ultimately, Christopher says:

"I want to be remembered as someone who did their best."

And who am I to want for more? I want so much. I focus on how I'm not good enough, and maybe sometimes that's a good thing. I live through my learning, yes. But I don't only live through toil. I live through music and art and writing and so many other things too. It is true that I am not dying, but then again everyone is dying. We are all dying, as Hazel took care to tell us. But that doesn't mean we're not living.

Alive

I've been reading Fahrenheit 451, party due to the urging of my friend and partly due to the Nerdfighter Book Club.

I like it and it's rather amazing.

This video is the first in a series in which John and Hank Green, aka the vlogbrothers, discuss the book and its meanings. I would discourage you from watching it if you've not read the book yet but it's not entirely spoilerific.

Anyways...in the video, John asks us what makes us feel alive. Now, I don't have a YouTube account so I can't exactly comment but I figured it would make a worthy enough blog post.

I feel alive when I feel I am doing something meaningful.

Sometimes I'll be doing the same thing at different times but at one time I'll feel like it's meaningful and at the other I'll feel it's pointless.

I feel alive when I spout random facts. I feel alive when I learn those facts. I feel alive when I write things I feel are worthy, or something that I feel will not end up as total crap. I feel alive when I walk outside and watch the world and suddenly I have the amazing feeling of something eagerly writing itself in my head. I feel alive in the hours I spend in libraries, searching, always, for more. I feel alive when I watch things I like on the internet. I feel alive when I see something that someone else is proud to have created  to show to all the other living people. I feel alive when I read, especially in that time at the end of the book when you are feeling emotionally over-capacitated but blissfully aware of the world, moving and changing. I feel alive when I make art. I feel alive when I am aware of everything inside me, pumping blood and handling food and my brain creating spurts of electricity as neurons communicate with each other. I feel alive when suddenly I can see in my mind the infinite wound ball of connections that the world is, when things seem just as they should be and yet could always be better.

I feel alive.

"I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friend."

You Shall Not Run

So I've found that when I sit in one place and do nothing (specifically, while watching YouTube or Doctor Who or reading) my nose runs less.

I am resolved to move as little as possible today. Not that that's a major deviation from what I normally do when provided with a computer and a library and some art stuff.

By the way, has anyone else realized the irony of saying that "feet smell" and "noses run?" No? Okay, fine, I'm alone.

Though I would like to mention that when the great lexicographer Samuel Johnson was told by a lady that he "smelled," he said, "No, madam: you smell; I stink." There you go, nice tidbit of knowledge for you. Now you should probably go look up "lexicographer," because in all respect you probably don't know what it means.

Fresh Bread

I went to a bakery today and bought a baguette.

It tastes SO MUCH BETTER than supermarket bread. Now, I suppose that would go without saying, but I sort of forgot how good a fresh bakery baguette is. Last time I ate one of these was a few months ago at least. Perhaps not since Boston.

So, here are a few steps to the location of one subspecies of Afternoonus Awesomus:

1. Go to a bakery.

2. Buy a fresh baguette.

3. Eat it while wasting time on YouTube and Facebook or watching Doctor Who.

Cheers!

Video Editing!

I am extremely excited because I finally have managed to start putting together a short video. I've loved YouTube for a while, even though I only started seriously watching it less than a year ago, and I've wanted to make my own videos.

So I'm immersed in iMovie right now, trimming clips and lining things up. I'll do voice-overs soon, because otherwise the video won't make sense. And I am thoroughly excited.

Talking to Myself

Okay. So it's vacation and I'm being a recluse in my room again.

I'm supposed to be doing my history project on the US Constitution, but it is one of the most annoying things I've ever laid eyes on. And there's also that geography paper and the English homework and the French material I should be learning - yeah. I've got a lot to do. And a lot of time to be spent on Wikipedia - that's where I'm getting my Constitution info. I don't freaking care if it's "unreliable." I just need to get the damn thing done. Although, I will end up having some more work translating from English to Hebrew. I'm not particularly good at that. Oh, the joys of being bilingual.

Me: Go do your history project.

Me: But I don't wanna!

Me: Just get it done.

Me: *dramatic sigh*

Me: It's due tomorrow.

Me: *withering look*

Me: GET OFF OF YOUTUBE!

Me: But the video is only two minutes more!

Me: But you have a history project due tomorrow!

Me: But I don't wanna!

Me: Get off YouTube. Now.

Me: Music helps me concentrate.

Me: No, it doesn't, you idiot. Music distracts you.

Me: I can multitask.

Me: No, you can't.

Me: Why am I talking to myself?

Me: I'm tired of typing "me."

Moi: Is this better?

Me: Just go do your history project.