Closing Time once more

Tomorrow we are returning to America after being here for ten days. Dang, ten days is short. Too short.

I didn't realize how much I missed this place until I got here. I feel free. I feel that I'm doing enough. It's nice to feel adequate again.

Today I bade goodbye to many of my friends and much of my family. (A fuller description may follow.) It's very strange. Honestly, I really don't want to go back. America is work and the weight of obligation and constant insanity in comparison with here. I'm going to miss it so much.

But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't dwell on where you aren't. For the next few hours I'm here, and then I'll be somewhere else, and that's that. No point aching when there's nothing to be done.

So now that I've been sufficiently restored, and now that I've gotten my crazy back, I think going back is gonna be okay. I'll learn, I'll work, and then I'll come here and feel better. I suppose this will be my natural cycle from now on. And I guess that's okay.

Wish Tree

On Saturdays there is nothing much to do in Tel Aviv, because it's all closed. So this past Saturday we went to the port of Jaffa.

Jaffa's port is relatively active in terms of boats coming in and out. It also has several restaurants, galleries, and a posh indoor market. And interesting graffiti.

Anyway, there was one gallery, in which there were Instagram pictures by residents of Tel Aviv-Jaffa. Those were actually pretty cool.

In the corner, there was a small tree (or a large bush, I'm not sure). A lot of little notes were pinned to the branches, and according to a nearby sign, it was a wishing tree.

I approached the tree and began reading wishes.

"Love"

"True love"

"One who will really love me"

(I am reminded of this quote by Hank Green: "We are all differently broken, semi-functional, rusted-out love machines.")

"Happiness"

"A good year"

"A good life"

"Health"

"Joy"

As I peered between the branches, I was struck by the similarity. People put down their basest wishes, and thats ultimately the same for humans.

I don't know what I would put down. I wish so many things. Narcissistic things and world things. I wish I were better at doing just about everything. But I guess everyone wishes that. So many wishes - which would I write? Maybe that's why others put down their simplest wishes - it's too hard to decide on the complicated ones.

Finally, I came across a blank note, pinned among the written ones. I don't know whether or not it was a mistake, but there was something so true about it. An unused sheet of white paper is a fresh start - a clean slate, if you will. I think that's what we all want, and possibly what we all need.

After looking at the final wall of pictures, I followed my family outside, under the white sky, blank as a fresh sheet of paper.

People and blogs and hugs

I had this whole post that I wrote about the wish tree I saw a few days ago in Jaffa, but then I accidentally deleted it, so I will rewrite it later.

But anyways, I have a few blogs to share that I think deserve some love.

Of Hyperions and Pumpkin Pi
This blog is one I discovered a while ago. The thing that first drew me to it was the title - I mean, come on. Of Hyperions and Pumpkin Pi. Isn't that just wonderful? The writer's username is Theodora Orli, and in any case she writes beautifully. She reminds me a lot of myself sometimes, and she deserves more followers! Also hugs. Everyone deserves hugs.

The Ordinary Life of Katie
I found this one relatively recently. Katie's writing varies from descriptions of daily life to musings about the future and life in general. It's really fun to read! Also, I can marvel at the fact that she's a fencer. Wow...

Anyway, I hope that if you read this post, you'll go check these out! Hugs all around!

Poems and Thoughts of Israel

It's nearing one a.m. and I just spent the past hour and a half finishing a book of Hebrew poetry.

I don't know.

I've been wanting to finish it for a while, and now I need to reread it because I'm so tired that I'm not sure what stuck and what didn't.

But what did stick was beautiful. I really like this book, almost as much as Hazel loves An Imperial Affliction.

But I suddenly thought about going to visit Israel - this Wednesday as it happens - and I'm terrified as hell, honestly. How different will it feel? Will my happiness fade again? Where will I be after going back to that place?

I've forgotten so much, honestly I have. I had forgotten, until today, how the streets in Tel Aviv connect and how it felt to be there and being away from my friends and everything. It hurt, and I think I forgot that a little. Suddenly I remember all these things from the evening I got this book of poetry signed and how good I felt that night, and being close to my family, and having Hebrew all around me.

I'm kind of alarmed at how much this trip crept up on me. It was always kind of in the near future and all but never really this close. In seventy-two hours I'll already be there or close at least. It's scaring me. Deja vu to this time last year, before I changed.

But how much did I stay the same?

I don't know right now. I don't know anything right now.