Near Breaking

Well, yeah. I think "about to break" is the best way to put it.

I've been really stressed, with the speech tournament and Nerdfighter gathering this weekend. And I think I failed today's half of the math test. And NaNo ends tomorrow and I'm probably not gonna win.

I'm exhausted. I haven't been sleeping well, which isn't really saying much because I never really did sleep all that well with a time limit. It takes me ages to fall asleep and I'm exhausted in the morning and that piles on everything else.

But I'll be fine, because my mom is coming back tomorrow and things will be easier and there will be a nerdfighter gathering and so on. I'll be fine, I'm just not extremely fine right now.

I apologize for the mopey post. And now I'm off to do homework and stress some more.

This Time Last Year

Just today I've been thinking back to last year.

It's been nearly a year since I created this blog, and that year may have been one of the most tumultuous periods of my life, including some of the hardest things I've done.

This time last year I was depressed and thoroughly terrified of the prospect of going to Israel, which frankly I had a right to be because it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it turned out for the better. This time last year I was still in eighth grade. This time last year I hadn't yet watched Doctor Who. This time last year I still had writer's block constantly to some extent. This time last year, hell, I was still writing last year's NaNo novel - it's a story I have yet to finish.

In some ways, this time last year, I was an entirely different person.

An Open Letter to the Universe (Thanksgiving)

Today is Thanksgiving. I went to my friend Noah's house as usual and there was endless food and I got a novel to read and I had excellent book conversations and I got Noah reading Looking for Alaska, which is an amazing book. I just love it so much.

I felt like I should make a Thanksgiving post. Because there is a lot to be thankful for in my life. So:

An Open Letter to the Universe

Dear universe,

I'm thankful that I exist, and that I exist in this way, and my improbably precarious life is the way it is even though it could have turned out a thousand different ways. I'm thankful that there is a lot to learn and there are so many things that can be done.

I'm thankful for my family and my friends and my girlfriend and my teachers and the new people that I meet and everyone that helps me and everyone that loves me. I am thankful that people tolerate me. I am thankful that people listen. I'm also thankful that there are the idiots who annoy me and give me bad days for good stories. I am thankful for YouTube and Facebook and the lovely Internet. I am thankful for books and music and art.

I am thankful for metaphors and wonderful coincidences and epiphanies and beautiful connections.

I'm thankful for all the wonderful authors and creators and intellectuals and inspiring people around me. I am thankful for this messed-up world.

Thank you, universe, for everything.

Sincerely,

Shira

Bad, Bad, Bad at Decisions, Decisions, Decisions: Planning Edition

Me: Hmm. I want to meet my girlfriend's friends!
Me: Over Thanksgiving!
Me: Why don't I start a Facebook group message!

(a few days pass)

Me: (in chat) So, what are we thinking to do? Where? Any ideas? There aren't any movies I particularly want to see...

(hours later)

Me: Hmm. No replies.

(an hour later)

Me: What are we doing tomorrow?
Girlfriend: I don't know, text me when you figure it out.

(after procrastinating endlessly, attempting to contact other people, and failing)

Me: AHH!
Me: What to do?
Me: Harvard Square? I sort of know it and anyway you can find most things there...
Me: Central Square? I used to live there and there are nice places...
Me: Just a café? But what would we do?
Me: Where do they live anyway?
Me: WHICH DO I CHOOSE?!

School: the Upside

I know John Green talked about this in one Vlogbrothers video but here I go at saying it again.

School. A lot of kids hate it.

First, let's define school. School is a (currently mandatory) institution or program of several years in which people (most often children) are taught things that the world has deemed integral, and sometimes more.

That sounds wonderful to me. Why do people dislike it?

Seriously, I mean, apart from the work, school is awesome. History and science and math and languages and writing and art and music - aren't those things amazing? We have the privilege of being able to find out about the work of almost all of human history, all that we ever strived to figure out and put together - we get to take all that in and process it and think. And we don't have to pay for it.

Some people look at school as a preparation for life. But what about now, about all the things you know and understand and think about? What about all the wonderful things you write and read and find out? We get to spend most of our days discovering new things. Why do we so despise the idea?

The best part is that loving learning and finding out new things makes it easier. It's always easier to do things that you love or at least don't hate. I find that appreciating the things that people teach me makes them much more meaningful. And the whole point of school is to teach us the things that mean something.

I like school, if you hadn't noticed. I like knowing things and understanding how the world works. That's what school is all about.