Living Inside My Head

There is, of course, an extremely subjective angle to my view of me.

Now that we are past that painfully obvious opening sentence, let's elaborate.

I think everyone has a love-hate relationship with themselves, which is the way things should be. You should love yourself at least a little, but you shouldn't be thoroughly egocentric. You should be able to see flaws in yourself.

In my experience, most people do this quite well. In fact, most people go as far as to see most of themselves as flaws with small seams.

I am no exception.

People say I'm smart, and yes, I know I am relatively intelligent. People say I'm flexible, which I know I am to an extent. People say I'm talented, which I know I am.

I know I am, but I don't think it's as much as other people.

Living inside my head is weird. I always want to stuff it with information. I always think there are things I should be doing better.

Periodically, people inform me of my intelligence because I'm okay at remembering things. Today I was helping people study for history finals, producing a date off the top of my head. "How do you remember that?" they asked, followed by, "You're so smart, why are you so smart?"

Also today, after I comforted someone who was stressing out, a friend of mine said, "Oh, she's not always an asshole."

Inside my head is a weird mix of the two views - contented with myself, yet thoroughly irritated at the same time and surprised when I get things right.

It's weird.

I don't know.

I'll go back to living inside my head.